Review of James Dobson’s “Temper Your Child’s Tantrums”
Another One of Dobson's Bogus Books on How to Raise Your Child to Become a Messed-Up Adult
by Elaine Njerve-ZackI can't believe Dobson came out with another "how to" book on spanking and slapping children! Most of it is the same as his other two books entitled "The New Dare to Discipline" and "The Strong-Willed Child". Does Dobson know that if he continues to hit his dog that the dog will become violent and bite him someday?
I have done extensive research on the subject of child discipline and have gotten the following results. My compilation of information is as follows:
My Own Research on the Affects of Spanking Children
By Elaine Njerve-Zack
Dobson's books are EXCELLENT for "how to" advice to lead to adult spanking fetishes.
Some time ago I read an online news story about a male boss who spanked his female employees for making mistakes. At the bottom of the article people were invited to post their opinions about the story. To my surprise, most of those who had posted messages actually enjoyed spanking! So I responded, asking "WHY? I don't understand. Do you like pain?" Their response to me was "You are mentally ill for not liking spanking." I never got an answer from them, instead I was severely put down, simply because I'm not into spanking of any kind.
So I went to the source. I was wondering if there was such a thing as a spanking web site. Lo and behold there is! So I checked out some of these sites and interviewed approximately 70 members. 50 of them were very polite and willing to give me information for my research as to how they've gotten to like spanking as adults. One of these sites has over 40,000 members world wide alone and there are many other spanking and S&M web sites. I even found out that there are spanking/S&M clubs. There people meet other people with an interest in spanking and people go there to spank or be spanked in front of others within the facility. Some meet in groups or some come as couples known as the "Dom" or "Top" (spanker) or "Sub" or "Bottom" (spankee). A "switch" is someone who is into being both a Dom and a Sub. These people also get together in other clubs for spanking parties.
These spanking/S&M web sites are for adults who are into adult spanking who meet other spankers who cheat on their spouses (because their spouse isn't into spanking) meeting other adults at motels to spank or be spanked. After meeting for coffee or a snack at a public place, they then chose when and where to meet for their first "spanking session".
An actual spanking session in a motel room consists of spanking using several instruments such as paddles, whips, canes and belts. The hand is also used when the spankee is placed OTK (over the knee). The spankee is put in many different positions. Besides the pain of the spanking, they thrive on the embarrassment and humiliation that goes with it. They relive these feelings experienced from their childhood spankings. Other activities include a bar of soap in the mouth, hot sauce on the tongue, standing bare bottom in the corner for 15 minutes, begging the spanker to stop and saying "I'm sorry". Some others go to the extreme being gagged and tied up while spanked. The buttocks are hit until a dark color of red forms. Some people are bruised or severely injured and not being able to sit for three days after a spanking session. Most people get together as one male and one female, some get together as two males and one female or the same sex are involved in a spanking session or meet within a group.
During an adult spanking session, the act of hugging is done right after a spanking. I have read letters of adults who have a spanking fetish and got turned on by reading Dr. Dobson's books on spanking as discipline. Some adults think of this as a healthy lifestyle, while others having this fetish admit it is wrong and are seeking help. A vast majority of people who have a spanking fetish are Christians and have been spanked either by their parents or in a Christian school. Some have developed the fetish simply by watching other children being spanked. Some of these people began spanking their classmates while they were still children themselves!
All 50 people told me that they never spank their children and will never spank their children because they know that spanking a child's buttocks is sexual and they don't want their children to develop the fetish. They also have come to the realization that they have confused themselves with love and pain after their parents hugged them after spanking them as children. Some adults have difficulty with sex in marriage because they can't experience love unless they are hit (as in Dobson's books where he advises the child should be hugged immediately after being spanked).
A male friend of mine was spanked as a child and now has spanking/S&M fetishes and as an adult watches spanking and porn videos. Another male friend told me that as a child he would misbehave on purpose just to get a spanking! He got the fetish and at that time I didn't believe him because it all sounded so bizarre to me! But NOW I believe him after interviewing these people with the same fetish!
I have written an unfavorable review on Dr. James Dobson's book entitled "The New Dare to Discipline" as I read it cover to cover. It made me sick to read it as he specifically states that BABIES should be WHIPPED as early as 15 months old! Also, Dr. Dobson said that he "felt loved" being spanked with his mother's girdle that consisted of straps and buckles. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, between 1,000 and 2,000 children die in this country every year from corporal punishment. I've written to senators and representatives to pass a bill to ban corporal punishment in both schools and at home. There are other non-physical ways to discipline children! I've explained to them my research as to how adults develop spanking and S&M fetishes.
I've also read a lot of articles on Christian anti-corporal punishment web sites of testimonies of how people were spanked as children and developed these fetishes. Also numerous studies show how bad spanking a child is and that spanking leads to violence, low grades in school, anti-social behavior, depression, anger/rage into adulthood.
The age range of people I've interviewed with this fetish are between the ages of 47 and 60. Most of these members from the spanking web sites are Lutheran and Catholic.
In countries such as Norway and Sweden where spanking has been banned they have a low violence rate in comparison to North America in which the rate of violence is the highest of all industrialized countries. Most people in North America still spank their children. In Norway, the police don't carry guns. Here in North America, even some children carry guns to school!
I've been making people aware of the dangers and sexual dangers of spanking children and I have been mocked by a lot of people! When Jesus came, he put an end to stoning. Jesus would never spank a child! In the Old Testament, there was stoning, cutting off of ears, hands, etc. They were barbaric in the Old Testament times! The "rod" is mentioned in the bible as in one verse "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me". That has NOTHING to do with beating or hitting of any kind! People misinterpret the meaning of the rod. It was used as a tool to guide sheep - NOT as an instrument to hit children!
Parents spank their children because it's a "quick fix" for them. But it gives a lot of problems for the child when he/she becomes an adult!
I know some adults who were never spanked as children and they grew up to be very responsible, respected people. My husband is one of them and he is as perfect as a human being can get!
I've spoken to one Christian mother from one of the southern states who was spanked herself by her father until age 16. She spanks her daughter and I discussed with her the sexual dangers of spanking children. Her response to me was "I don't care what my children do after the age of 18 and it doesn't concern me what kind of marriage my children have as adults because they will be out of my hands then!" She also said that she wouldn't hesitate to spank her daughter's bare bottom even if it was her time of the month! If that isn't sexual, then please tell me what is??!! Aren't parents supposed to be concerned how their children turn out as adults? What's the sense of raising children if you don't care how they turn out?
Out of the children I've babysat for, the ones that were spanked by their parents, they were the most difficult to deal with. They were the screamers and tantrum throwers. One child while under my supervision hit me. I told him that hitting is wrong! The child's response to me was "my mommy hits me!" Thus the child thought it to be acceptable to hit others since his mother hit him as a form of discipline.
Spanking and other types of hitting are wrong and harmful. It should not even be considered as a proper form of discipline.
The T.V. show entitled "Super Nanny" is about a nanny that visits families homes to help out with the crisis of raising children. The nanny herself said spanking leads to dangerous after affects. You're supposed to look the child directly in the eye and tell him or her not to misbehave. The nanny's techniques have worked splendidly and have saved lots of families from having relationship issues due to problems of controlling their children. I recall each time when I was in trouble as a child and I can remember what it was I done wrong when I wasn't hit. When my parents looked me in the eyes telling me in an authoritative tone of voice not to repeat the wrongdoing, I remembered it! When I was hit, I only recall the intense fear which made me resent my parents. I'm now 38 years old and I still dislike them for hitting me! Because of my parents hitting me, it lead to my suicide attempt and therapy in my 20's and again in my upper 30's. I have lots of anger issues and resentment towards my parents because I was hit by them when I was a child.
People don't recall what they were spanked for as children. They only remember the pain and humiliation of being spanked.