sueDobson

I am not looking for easy money. This has been
anything but easy for me. I just want my past and
future medical bills for mental illness to be covered.
And more importantly I want to send a message.

I have borderline personality disorder and major
depressive disorder. Borderline personality disorder
in particular is widely believed to be triggered by
childhood trauma. The same is often true for
depression. I can say truthfully that the only
childhood trauma I ever endured was being spanked by
my parents. I can also say truthfully that the
spankings were the direct cause of my depression, and
suicidal ideations which started at the age of ten.

My parents never intended to do harm to me. They never
would have intentionally done anything to cause me
such suffering. They followed Dobson's book, "Dare to
Discipline" almost exactly to the letter. They were
led to believe that his methods were not only
harmless, but the only godly way to discipline a
child. They believed that as a doctor he would not
recommend parenting techniques that could cause
permanent harm to a child.

I first recognized that I was depressed at the age of
8 after seeing a segment about depression on the news.
By the age of 10 I was frequently having suicidal
fantasies. I just didn't want to be hit anymore. I
have never forgotten the utter humiliation I felt in
having to submit to my body being violated by the
people I should have been able to trust most. I felt I
could not trust my parents if they were willing to
hurt me with no remorse, so I never told them. I never
told any of my teachers because I knew they would tell
my parents.

By the time I was 18 and moved out of my parents' home
the mental illness was in full progression. I went
into violent rages at the slightest provocation, and
cried for hours for no real reason. I was bulimic. I
cut myself. I abused drugs and alcohol. I engaged in
risky sex. I hated myself. And I didn't know why I did
these things.

I started seeing a therapist at 18, started taking
medications at 19. I have been hospitalized twice. It
has been a very hard road to recovery, and one that
will likely never end, though I have been able to
control most of the behaviors with medication that
costs 300$ a month. I used to take a less expensive
med that worked better, but it raised my blood
pressure and my doctor wouldn't prescribe it any more.
I also have to take medication to get to sleep at
night.

I see a therapist twice a month, and a psychologist
once a month for medication management. When things